Sometimes it's those that "show" themselves as being Christians that we need not learn from. The "conversation of their lives" are such that they prove themselves, through actions, that they aren't quite where they need to be. I won't say that they aren't Christians, but that they still have a lot of growing to do.
Time and time again I can't help but dissect the role/word Christian, which when broken down means Christ-like. So what are some of our Lords actions that we are to follow? What separated Him from any other entity or person? What makes His ways, that we follow as Christians, so much better? Why are His ways the Standard? I ask further, how well do we reflect Him within us?
If our Lord can forgive so very easily, why is it so easy for us to remember the hurts? If He can forgive our sins, which are sins to the death, why is it so hard to forgive others simple mistakes? If He was peaceful, why is it that we relish aggressive natures? If He suffered wrong, so many times and yet willingly, why do we choose to attack others when wronged, or when we feel we have been wronged? Why is it that He chose to remain quiet when other accused Him of wrongdoing, yet we turn and yell when treated the same? Why is it so hard for us to align our lives parallel to His, so that we no longer have to verbally cry out our faith (as if to prove something), but that our actions, or rather the conversation of our lives, speak for us?
Why is it so hard to give up those things on this earth for the sake of those things that we earn in heaven? There is nothing on this earth worth giving up my seat in heaven. I can only speak personally, but I can't let others who take away from me allow me to act in a way that is unchristian-like. I can't let what others say, get me so mad as to make me lose my seat. It's not what others do, yet how I react or rather, how I act that gains and retains my seat. Again, there is nothing on this earth worth losing my seat. Grudges from my separation and divorce will hinder me. Anger will hold me back. Leaning according to my own understanding will keep in second place. What others have done, what they still do, if I act unchristian-like, will allow another soul to warm my seat.
My wife had a favorite quote. "Actions speak louder than words". Normally she said that to me when I made her mad in some way, usually when I had promised something and never carried it through with my actions, but she was right nevertheless. Kinda sounds like some of us Christians right? We promise our lives to be better than the "sinners", yet we never carry it through with our actions. I thank God for my wife. She truly has been a blessing in my life, even now, more than she will ever know or understand. I promised my love to her July 1st, I never lied.
There is nothing on this earth worth giving up my seat.................and yet I know that because of this post, I will be tested.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I preached that Sunday
Well......in the dream I had this morning, and truthfully, I taught.
I saw my Uncle Nate who is our Head Pastor now. He called to me and said that he wanted me to preach. I get up but I'm thinking, "I'm not able to preach! I'm not qualified! I've not been fasting or praying or preparing for this. Nah I'm not preaching.........but then again, I don't mind teaching."
I get up to the podium and, resolved in teaching to the masses, I try to figure out what to teach. The only thing that I can quote scripture on is about marriage. Oh yea I've studied that, and how you have to stay married and that you really can't get a divorce but if you do you gottta stay single or be reconciled to your husband/wife (that's a lot to say in one sentence right?)
So I proceed to teach the people about marriage and divorce, which would also include relationships, and how to handle yourself when you are going through a divorce. But wait there's more!
The dream switches.
I see myself sitting on the right hand side of my son. He's close to me like he's leaning on me or maybe I'm kinda engulfing him protectively. My wife is with us, sitting on his left but kind of across from me. My son writes a list of words down and says each word. The words he repeats are a little bigger than a kid his age would know and understand. There was one really big word that starts with an "s" and he got it right. My wife is there as if she's supporting him in case he messes up a word. I'm testing him, picking a word here and there. He gets them all right.
Thoughts.
2 thoughts on the preaching. First- I REALLY don't believe that I'm supposed to become a preacher.....period, end of story, plain and simple. But I wonder if it means that I need to have a greater impact within the church. I'm involved yes, but maybe I'm to do more, you know? I can say that I would LOVE to go around teaching about marriage and divorce and God's standard on the topic. But only if that's what He desires of me. Until then, I won't. So many Christians can't see how far they need to go. There's so much information that they aren't getting, so much they need to know. There are plenty who think they are doing everything they can, yet don't realize that they are falling short. I wish I could help. 2nd thought is that I had spent some time yesterday with a friend that I had to cut off a while back. I had fallen in love with her, and never saw it. Some may say, "Well if you loved her, and she loved you, why cut her off?" Because according to God, I'm still married to my wife. The love that I had for my friend should have been for my wife. In essence, I was cheating on my wife emotionally. So I cut off my friend. That was last year around July. So I meet her yesterday after she comes back into town for a test, and I explain to her why I had to, and we talk about the spiritual aspect of me cutting her off. We talk about the spiritual aspect of me enduring my wife's continual refusal to let me interact with my son. It was just a good 30 minutes or so at least of me explaining God's standards. So my dream may have been in reference to my teaching this friend about God's standard.
As for my son, I took it as it's time to send my son letters. I used to do so but my wife told me to stop until she tells me he can read......which was true. So I stopped. He's three now, going on four. I know that he's pretty smart. I figure that hes ready for a letter from Dad, especially one that doesn't have a bunch of detail. The coolest part about that portion of the dream is that in my separation and divorce, anytime I dreamed any dream, it was always about my wife. This is the first time, maybe second time, I've dreamed about my son so clearly. What was also cool too is that as we sat together, me, my wife and our son, there was no arguing. Just respect and acceptance. We treated each other like Christians.
So I guess that's it then.
I saw my Uncle Nate who is our Head Pastor now. He called to me and said that he wanted me to preach. I get up but I'm thinking, "I'm not able to preach! I'm not qualified! I've not been fasting or praying or preparing for this. Nah I'm not preaching.........but then again, I don't mind teaching."
I get up to the podium and, resolved in teaching to the masses, I try to figure out what to teach. The only thing that I can quote scripture on is about marriage. Oh yea I've studied that, and how you have to stay married and that you really can't get a divorce but if you do you gottta stay single or be reconciled to your husband/wife (that's a lot to say in one sentence right?)
So I proceed to teach the people about marriage and divorce, which would also include relationships, and how to handle yourself when you are going through a divorce. But wait there's more!
The dream switches.
I see myself sitting on the right hand side of my son. He's close to me like he's leaning on me or maybe I'm kinda engulfing him protectively. My wife is with us, sitting on his left but kind of across from me. My son writes a list of words down and says each word. The words he repeats are a little bigger than a kid his age would know and understand. There was one really big word that starts with an "s" and he got it right. My wife is there as if she's supporting him in case he messes up a word. I'm testing him, picking a word here and there. He gets them all right.
Thoughts.
2 thoughts on the preaching. First- I REALLY don't believe that I'm supposed to become a preacher.....period, end of story, plain and simple. But I wonder if it means that I need to have a greater impact within the church. I'm involved yes, but maybe I'm to do more, you know? I can say that I would LOVE to go around teaching about marriage and divorce and God's standard on the topic. But only if that's what He desires of me. Until then, I won't. So many Christians can't see how far they need to go. There's so much information that they aren't getting, so much they need to know. There are plenty who think they are doing everything they can, yet don't realize that they are falling short. I wish I could help. 2nd thought is that I had spent some time yesterday with a friend that I had to cut off a while back. I had fallen in love with her, and never saw it. Some may say, "Well if you loved her, and she loved you, why cut her off?" Because according to God, I'm still married to my wife. The love that I had for my friend should have been for my wife. In essence, I was cheating on my wife emotionally. So I cut off my friend. That was last year around July. So I meet her yesterday after she comes back into town for a test, and I explain to her why I had to, and we talk about the spiritual aspect of me cutting her off. We talk about the spiritual aspect of me enduring my wife's continual refusal to let me interact with my son. It was just a good 30 minutes or so at least of me explaining God's standards. So my dream may have been in reference to my teaching this friend about God's standard.
As for my son, I took it as it's time to send my son letters. I used to do so but my wife told me to stop until she tells me he can read......which was true. So I stopped. He's three now, going on four. I know that he's pretty smart. I figure that hes ready for a letter from Dad, especially one that doesn't have a bunch of detail. The coolest part about that portion of the dream is that in my separation and divorce, anytime I dreamed any dream, it was always about my wife. This is the first time, maybe second time, I've dreamed about my son so clearly. What was also cool too is that as we sat together, me, my wife and our son, there was no arguing. Just respect and acceptance. We treated each other like Christians.
So I guess that's it then.
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