So I made a commitment. I'm going to go on another fast God willing. I had already decided to go on one, but I had never decided on a date. I've decided on December 1st. Namely because I'll be fasting for 100 days, it's a date I can start with, and it gives me a specific day to be prepared for. I call it Fasting and Fishing.
So why am I fasting?
The majority of my fasts from before included my Ex in some way, like being able to forgive her genuinely. I have to be selfish with this one however. I have to live for God with or without her. Even though shes still treating me like some stranger, even though she and her family refuse to allow me even phone contact with my son, I still have to live for God. I guess in a way I'm saying that I'm not going to let her hold me back. She still controls me even though she lives in Phoenix and hasn't spoken to me in a good year or so. I'm walking around all frustrated at her actions, at the actions of her parents who make themselves to be such good Christians, a role I believed in, and yet in doing so I'm leaving no room for God. This has to end. I need release. God had enough grace for me to wake me up, I think I need to serve Him and give Him thanks. So I need to get rid of more sins, learn about other sins I'm committing and don't yet realize I'm committing them. Most importantly, I need to be stronger spiritually.
Now I'm not broadcasting this as if to say "Look at me look at me!" as the Pharisees did, but more to recognize my faults and my goals. I can assure you that I am riddled with sinner holes, of which I hope to have filled by the time I get off my fast.
I intend on doing a Daniel fast, no meats, wheat, sweets, fried foods such as french fries or chicken. Strictly fruits and vegetables, juices, and water. I will only allow myself fish since I plan on fishing during the course of the fast, which I more than likely will have fried. I haven't decided on a 3 day water fast to begin it though. That in itself is rough! First day is cool, second day is rough, third day is a little better than rough.
My Father in heaven knows the love that I carry for my Ex. Some days it's like we never even went through the divorce. He knows the love I have for my son, I long to hear him say "Daddy".
I've done a 60 day fast before, the spiritual plateau you reach when on one is crazy. I think it's different for everyone, in what you receive. In fact the experience may differ with each individual fast for a person. But for me, the last time I went on a long one, it was.......out of sight. I dreamed. I saw things. I promise you that butterflies flocked to me just about everyday and fluttered around me and landed on me. I received visions about my wife (at least I think so), it was like I knew what she was going to do to me in the future. I knew some of what she was going through emotionally right then even though she's in Phoenix and won't talk to me. God answered prayers, I mean opened a door that I just knew in a natural sense was impossible. Oh yea, fasting is worth it.
Anyway, I'm all talked out. Y'all be good and be Christians.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Whats the best way to have a failed marriage? 11-4-11
So check this out. The thought came to me. If you want to encourage a failed marriage, do this. Separate the Husband and the Wife. Plain and simple. It will work A LOT better and faster if you can get the wife alone and work on her emotions, but otherwise, get them separated. "Well why is that Deon?" I'm glad you asked! Gather 'round gather 'round my cheerin, 'n let ya Gran Pappy tell ya a lil storeh.
There's a process to most relationships. There's a start, a middle, and an ending. In most cases, the start is the most fun. It's always fun finding someone and getting to know them. I mean you go out on dates and learn one another. You talk until 4am and in some cases quite literally through the whole night. You always have a lot of fun, you compromise the best during this time (strange since it seems so hard to compromise during marriage). You love this person, I mean yea you thought that he/she was attractive in some way, but now that you know more about them, they now stand out better than all the other guys/gals. So yea you're constantly thinking about them. Doing anything and everything just to be with them. I did it too. I wasn't immune. I still can't figure out how in the world I would drive 35-45 minutes away just to see her for a few hours. Then there's the one time I drove to D'ville, knowing that she was having a bad day at work, just to put a love letter in her windshield wiper and then leave so that it was waiting on her when she got out. And yes, that one made her day. The point is, that you're spending all this time with one another. You're taking the time to get to know one another. You're asking questions, what do you like/dislike, do you sing in the shower better or in your car and what do you use to sing with? A brush or cup or cell phone? You're bonding. You tell each other things you never told your own mother or family. This other person knows in some ways, more than anyone else. You're doing everything together. Spiritually speaking, you're one, not in a marriage kind of way but in a relationship kind of way. You establish trust in this person.
You give them you.
This is when you are pretty much inseparable. I mean if another person says anything about your woman/man, the beast from within you comes out, equipped with horns, a spiked tail, muscles galore, and a menacing voice. "What did you say about my woman/man?!" Truth be told, in some cases, if anyone said anything negative about them, you'd draw closer to them.
Marriage is the same. Least it should be anyway. In marriage you're supposed to do everything together. Talk with one another. Express yourself. Go to church together. Compromise. Communicate. Pray together. Spend time with one another. Fast together. Do anything and everything, but whatever you do, don't separate yourself from one another (with the exception of the few times when you need your space from one another)! You see marriage is set up by God. Therefore marriage is good and very good. And just like in the church, the man is the head. There's a reason for that. Men have a certain strength that a woman won't ever have. And likewise, there's a reason and dire need for the woman. She has a strength that men will never have. We have our roles, set by God.
So why do I say if you want the marriage to fail, pull away the wife? When a woman gets married, she becomes one with her husband. Whether or not anyone knows it or realizes it, her husband is her strength. She is strong through her husband, that is as long as she follows Christ (only real way) or has a really good understanding of relationships (second rate choice by large gap). If you separate her, you can work on her. Confuse her. Make her feel guilty, that she is at fault, that she can do better by herself.
On the other hand, a wife is the glue. I mean a good wife, who put's God first, her husband second, her kids third, and everyone else gets whatever, is the glue for her relationship with her husband. She possesses strength that men generally don't have, or not a lot of. Compassion. Faith (in God and your relationship). Ability to show love. Ability to express themselves. As a husband, we need you our wives. So if we don't have access to you because we work longer hours, or we take case of the kids so much that we stop taking care of us (husband and wife relationship), whatever the case may be, divorce is in the future. If we stop praying or have never prayed together, we don't fast together or read our bibles together, divorce is in the future. If we don't go out, if even to the park and walk and talk. Divorce will be an option.
One afternoon after our being separated, my Wife and I had just completed a day of shopping. Before we parted ways, sitting in the parking lot of the library, I told her. "You got to be strong. I am your husband. I am your strength. Now that I am gone, they will work on you. You have to be strong." Sure enough her parents worked on her hard, I think mostly her Mom. Yea she told me some of the things they'd say. Talking about me and my family. I'm pretty sure she heard it nonstop sometimes. I remember once she spoke to on the phone telling me why we couldn't be together and it was like I wasn't talking to her but her Mom. To this day It really seems as if she was reading something on a piece of paper. We officially divorced in 2010.
Do everything together. Never separate yourself from your wife or husband. Make decisions together. Love together. Pray fast read together. Grow and learn together. Compromise, communicate and express yourselves together. Otherwise divorce will be in the future.
There's a process to most relationships. There's a start, a middle, and an ending. In most cases, the start is the most fun. It's always fun finding someone and getting to know them. I mean you go out on dates and learn one another. You talk until 4am and in some cases quite literally through the whole night. You always have a lot of fun, you compromise the best during this time (strange since it seems so hard to compromise during marriage). You love this person, I mean yea you thought that he/she was attractive in some way, but now that you know more about them, they now stand out better than all the other guys/gals. So yea you're constantly thinking about them. Doing anything and everything just to be with them. I did it too. I wasn't immune. I still can't figure out how in the world I would drive 35-45 minutes away just to see her for a few hours. Then there's the one time I drove to D'ville, knowing that she was having a bad day at work, just to put a love letter in her windshield wiper and then leave so that it was waiting on her when she got out. And yes, that one made her day. The point is, that you're spending all this time with one another. You're taking the time to get to know one another. You're asking questions, what do you like/dislike, do you sing in the shower better or in your car and what do you use to sing with? A brush or cup or cell phone? You're bonding. You tell each other things you never told your own mother or family. This other person knows in some ways, more than anyone else. You're doing everything together. Spiritually speaking, you're one, not in a marriage kind of way but in a relationship kind of way. You establish trust in this person.
You give them you.
This is when you are pretty much inseparable. I mean if another person says anything about your woman/man, the beast from within you comes out, equipped with horns, a spiked tail, muscles galore, and a menacing voice. "What did you say about my woman/man?!" Truth be told, in some cases, if anyone said anything negative about them, you'd draw closer to them.
Marriage is the same. Least it should be anyway. In marriage you're supposed to do everything together. Talk with one another. Express yourself. Go to church together. Compromise. Communicate. Pray together. Spend time with one another. Fast together. Do anything and everything, but whatever you do, don't separate yourself from one another (with the exception of the few times when you need your space from one another)! You see marriage is set up by God. Therefore marriage is good and very good. And just like in the church, the man is the head. There's a reason for that. Men have a certain strength that a woman won't ever have. And likewise, there's a reason and dire need for the woman. She has a strength that men will never have. We have our roles, set by God.
So why do I say if you want the marriage to fail, pull away the wife? When a woman gets married, she becomes one with her husband. Whether or not anyone knows it or realizes it, her husband is her strength. She is strong through her husband, that is as long as she follows Christ (only real way) or has a really good understanding of relationships (second rate choice by large gap). If you separate her, you can work on her. Confuse her. Make her feel guilty, that she is at fault, that she can do better by herself.
On the other hand, a wife is the glue. I mean a good wife, who put's God first, her husband second, her kids third, and everyone else gets whatever, is the glue for her relationship with her husband. She possesses strength that men generally don't have, or not a lot of. Compassion. Faith (in God and your relationship). Ability to show love. Ability to express themselves. As a husband, we need you our wives. So if we don't have access to you because we work longer hours, or we take case of the kids so much that we stop taking care of us (husband and wife relationship), whatever the case may be, divorce is in the future. If we stop praying or have never prayed together, we don't fast together or read our bibles together, divorce is in the future. If we don't go out, if even to the park and walk and talk. Divorce will be an option.
One afternoon after our being separated, my Wife and I had just completed a day of shopping. Before we parted ways, sitting in the parking lot of the library, I told her. "You got to be strong. I am your husband. I am your strength. Now that I am gone, they will work on you. You have to be strong." Sure enough her parents worked on her hard, I think mostly her Mom. Yea she told me some of the things they'd say. Talking about me and my family. I'm pretty sure she heard it nonstop sometimes. I remember once she spoke to on the phone telling me why we couldn't be together and it was like I wasn't talking to her but her Mom. To this day It really seems as if she was reading something on a piece of paper. We officially divorced in 2010.
Do everything together. Never separate yourself from your wife or husband. Make decisions together. Love together. Pray fast read together. Grow and learn together. Compromise, communicate and express yourselves together. Otherwise divorce will be in the future.
Waking up in the morning thinking 11-4-11
Could we just be real with one another? I mean, can't we just talk? I'll lay it out on the line for you.
I'm a sinner.
Hehe I said it. I mean, I am a sinner. Even though I look up to and admire Paul of the bible, even though I've read the whole of the New Testament several times straight through, even though I may have a better understanding of what God wants with us as Christians......I keep on sinning. Therefore, I am a sinner. I am imperfect.
So I wondered this morning, "Why does He allow me to wake up every morning, knowing that I'm going to sin some more? Why won't He allow me to pass in my sleep? Why can't I just be rid of everything?" Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining at all. I thank Him for giving me the breath of life. I thank Him for waking me up and allowing me life, health, and strength. I thank Him for my problems, for my highs and my lows. I thank Him for forgiving me even when others won't forgive me. I thank Him for His mercy and for His grace. I thank Him that He seems (at least in my mind anyway) to have confidence in me to be a better Christian today than what I was yesterday. I thank Him for His patience, cause if it was me.....oh yea, I woulda killed myself off a long time ago. "Okay you're not doing what I told you, so you will have to suffer right now. Off with your head!" Thank God I'm not God!
When I asked myself the question, an answer popped into my head,................ and now for some reason I can't remember it even though it was so clear then. Something along the lines of me being needed or giving me a chance to do better.......actually I think it was something else. Put it like this. Purpose. And I don't mean like any of those monster mega churches that take all of your money and the preacher says with such enunciation and gusto "Gawwwwwd! Ahea! Has a PURPOSE for yeou!" No I mean like, God loves me, therefore He's patient with me. This is God. He knows that when He wakes me up that I'm going to sin. Just like He wakes up so many others that later on that day rape and murder some lady, or shoot some guy in the chest just cause he wears a certain color. So since He loves me and gives me enough grace to wake me up, maybe He's waking me up so that I can serve Him, which is to say dedicate my life to Him.
I'm a sinner.
Hehe I said it. I mean, I am a sinner. Even though I look up to and admire Paul of the bible, even though I've read the whole of the New Testament several times straight through, even though I may have a better understanding of what God wants with us as Christians......I keep on sinning. Therefore, I am a sinner. I am imperfect.
So I wondered this morning, "Why does He allow me to wake up every morning, knowing that I'm going to sin some more? Why won't He allow me to pass in my sleep? Why can't I just be rid of everything?" Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining at all. I thank Him for giving me the breath of life. I thank Him for waking me up and allowing me life, health, and strength. I thank Him for my problems, for my highs and my lows. I thank Him for forgiving me even when others won't forgive me. I thank Him for His mercy and for His grace. I thank Him that He seems (at least in my mind anyway) to have confidence in me to be a better Christian today than what I was yesterday. I thank Him for His patience, cause if it was me.....oh yea, I woulda killed myself off a long time ago. "Okay you're not doing what I told you, so you will have to suffer right now. Off with your head!" Thank God I'm not God!
When I asked myself the question, an answer popped into my head,................ and now for some reason I can't remember it even though it was so clear then. Something along the lines of me being needed or giving me a chance to do better.......actually I think it was something else. Put it like this. Purpose. And I don't mean like any of those monster mega churches that take all of your money and the preacher says with such enunciation and gusto "Gawwwwwd! Ahea! Has a PURPOSE for yeou!" No I mean like, God loves me, therefore He's patient with me. This is God. He knows that when He wakes me up that I'm going to sin. Just like He wakes up so many others that later on that day rape and murder some lady, or shoot some guy in the chest just cause he wears a certain color. So since He loves me and gives me enough grace to wake me up, maybe He's waking me up so that I can serve Him, which is to say dedicate my life to Him.
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