This life down here on earth is so prominent. It's in your face like a pink elephant. The desires of this life, both mine and others who encounter me, are so..................engaging.
Here I sit at my computer, preparing myself for a trip to Tybee Island today with a friend from LA. I'm on vacation this week and I'm wanting to get out of the house and away from my family. I want to do something fun. Something spontaneous. I spent yesterday at a baseball game the district put on with another friend.
My mind is a tangled maze of thoughts right now.
I'm thinking of my Wife and her parents. Why would they not allow me access to my son? I'm not getting pictures. I'm not allowed to talk to him even though I call 2 times a week regularly. I've asked for skype access and I'm told that their computer doesn't work. I can't even call her directly in reference to my son, I have to go through her parents. Why? I lived with them for a year or two. I saw many things. I heard how they talked about people, about their own family, their cousins and sisters and brothers. I saw how they treated those who they suddenly disliked, and the reasons they justified in doing so. Yet I never thought that would happen to me. The Father of my son. What benefit is this apparent willingness to prevent me access to my son?
And why do I continue to hope for that one day where there is some sort of positive change. That maybe one day I'll be allowed to speak to my son. That I'll get a picture. That one day I'll get a chance to hear him say "Daddy". Why do I have to be the "better Christian" and endure and suffer these ways? Why can't I take her to court or snap at her for not allowing me my legal right? It's not fair.
Strangely enough, if she were to call me and say that she needed help, I'd help her. If she called me broken down on the road, trying to get to GA and needed a ride, I'd be there. If she called me and asked for forgiveness, I'd tell her that she already has been forgiven. My Mother-in-law always said that I have the gift of mercy. I think she's right. However, I don't think so much of that anymore. Is that God working through me, providing me with traits that make me better?
My mind is a jumbled mess right now. I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what to do or how to handle them.
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