I dreamed about her again the other night. I don't understand it. I accept the fact that she's gone. I accept that she has no love for me. Fine. My only link to her is our son. I love our son. I miss him dearly. He is the only one that I'm trying to keep some sense of relationship with. With him it's because He's part of me. My first born. With her, it's because I have to. So why is it that in my dreams I rarely see him, rather I dream of her more often? It's like I'm still connected to her, still able to feel her. I feel her emotions sometimes, in my dreams. I see her face in the dream, or rather her face is shrouded with emotion.
She had her own place. Like an apartment. I walked in and I could feel from her that she didn't want me there. She didn't feel like dealing with me. Or rather she didn't like me having access so freely with our son. It was like two north poles of a magnet, whenever I got close to her she would move and go to another room. I caught a glimpse of her face, or rather non-face. It's hard to explain. She was wearing regular clothes, more than likely a t-shirt and some jeans, but when looking at her it was like she was wearing a cloak you'd see in some mid evil movie, or a shroud of some sort. I couldn't really see her face, it was covered in darkness. Rather there was no face but where a face should have been, dark clouds swirled in her face, contained only by the cloak or hoodie covering she wore. In looking at her face I could feel the emotions that she was hiding. I felt from her a great sadness, deep hurt, maybe hints of depression. She never said anything to me in this dream, just quick glances. Anyway I wasn't there for her, I was there for our son. I was excited to be there and finally see him. So I walked down the hallway and found him in the bathroom taking a bath. But he was playing around and once he saw me decided that he was done. Some how I knew She told him to take a bath, and being me, I backed her decision for him to take a bath. So I kinda got on to him lightly, told him to spend and extra 10 minutes in the tub, then he would be done. The contrast between both was weird. She was filled with complete sadness, and he was normal, happy almost. The apartment look pretty decent, but the whole dream had a grayish or sepia color too it. Kinda like watching Silent hill.
I dreamed of her father and mother last night. It's all cloudy, but I do remember going to each and asking "Where is my son?", crying when I asked her father, I believe.
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