Where are the real Christians? 02/19/2012

Why does it seem as though the ones who screw you over call themselves "saved" and Christian? Why is it that they are the ones who continue to make promises of change, yet revert back to whatever actions they had from before? Why is it that they are the ones looking down on us/you with their heads in the air all prideful, as if they know everything, and what they do is not wrong or of any offense?
Why do I keep forgiving her? Why do I continue to allow her to screw me? And if I have really forgiven her, why do I feel so much anger towards her now?

I long to be near the water, in a foreign country, allowed to be left alone. I'd be surrounded by the chatterings of the birds and the murmur of the waters near me. I'd fish and hunt for food. I'd build my house with my own two hands. I'd be known in the community as an honest and good  man, yet no one would dare to bother me out of respect and of the unknown. I wouldn't have a cell phone or any direct line with the outside world. I wouldn't have to deal with my Baby Momma (Ex Wife) and her actions and I'd have to spend the rest of my days dealing with the fact that I more than likely she will never let me be involved in my sons life, whether by phone or letter, or picture, or in a hug.

I'd start over
.
Just me and God.

Save me I didn't follow you!

Alright so we have in the bible examples of what happens when we follow God. If we lean on Him, He takes care of us. If we leave Him, we have to fend for ourselves, not that He isn't right there, but that we have left Him. In my experience, He has ALWAYS been there even when I never recognized it. I have to say though that in my view, the same applies to marriage. Here's why.

We all know that God constructed the idea of marriage. Therefore marriage is "good and very good". Marriage was created in His sight, and since He created it, we know it to be good because all things that He creates are good. We learn from the bible through it's many verses how to be a better husband or wife, which I tell you with all seriousness, to be better husband or wife usually means you have to be a better Christian first. It is through these many verses that we can recognize that marriage is important, more important than what the standard of marriage is today. I think it is safe to say that God wants us to remain married, and has given us scripture to follow, a sort of guideline, to help us remain married, knowing that our faults as man can overpower us and therefore destroy the marriage.
 
So why get married? In my toddler years, some of the  teachings we received was that it is better to marry than to burn, I believe that scripture to be in 1 Corinthians 7th chapter. So what we were being taught was that when you become of age to be sexually active, before you start humping every woman (or man) you see, go ahead and get married. If you don't, you won't make it to heaven because you had sex before marriage. I think there is truth to that but here's what we also found. In those early years the members were getting married based on that scripture. Years later, as my understanding serves, "a lot" of those marriages fell. I wish I could define "a lot" for you but I just don't know the specific number. So why'd they fall? They married for the wrong reason. They married to have sex so that they wouldn't burn, but they weren't looking far enough past the honeymoon to say "Now what do we do"?

Which is why I said that it seems to me that it is better to become a Christian first before you become a husband or wife. Your role as husband or wife is easier when you have a committed role as a Christian. Your role as Husband or Wife is enhanced by your following as a Christian. You recognize your place, you understand your duties and more importantly, you know who you follow. And when both husband and wife follow towards the same goal, that being God and His standard/direction, your marriage is made better because you aren't following your own personal rules and regulations per se, but you follow Christ and His teachings.

Now with that said, what happens when we don't follow Christ when it comes to marriage? Well look at society. Look at our standards. Man has lowered it's standards. We accept a mother with 3 kids by 2 or 3 different daddies. We tell her it's ok, then call her, in the black community, a "strong black woman" because she's doing it all on her own. Our men become boys when they find out that their mate is pregnant, not wanting to be in his Baby Momma and child's lives. People get married, in front of God, family, and the pastor, and get divorced within a few years. If that now divorced husband and wife had kids, they go from Father and Mother in marriage to Baby Momma and Baby Daddy through the divorce. What makes them different than the other Baby Momma /Daddy who never got married? Further more, if that same now divorced Husband/Wife get married again to someone else, AND have more kids, they aren't any better than the other Baby Mommas with 2 kids by 2 different fathers, and the Baby Daddies that are spewing their seeds at every hole they can find. The term "Ex Husband" or "Ex Wife" doesn't make the situation any better. You still had sex with multiple partners either way. In marriage we wear protection to prevent more kids, out of marriage we wear our magnums to prevent kids AND disease. In marriage we know who we are coming home to, he/she is there. They are ours, and we are theirs. Out of marriage, we spend our time "looking for love". So we have to go through the process of meeting new people, enduring new personalities, filtering through the people who really won't make your life enjoyable, then we have to "get to know" someone new. You're starting over all because you ended your marriage. In some cases we remain alone not wanting to contend with the level of man or woman out there.
I don't say that marriage is easy, let me be real with you. Marriage is real. It is tough.Your wife or husband will make you scream and it won't necessarily be during the moment of ecstasy. But I tell you with conviction, if you follow God and cling to him, your marriage will survive, and you won't have to endure some of those things I mentioned when you don't follow God.
 
If marriage is designed by God, our being married and remaining married is glorifying God. We may not really say "Yea I'm getting married to glorify God", but our actions say just that when we show others that our God is THE God to follow when we remain married.

Let the knowledge of Christ and His teachings flourish within me like a never ending fountain of pure water. Let His Spirit dwell within me, quickening my spirit and strengthening me against the enemy's devices. Let His light shine within me for His benefit as He sees fit.Let all those who pass by this page, who may read, who may understand be blessed and strengthened and let their understanding grow about Christ, and themselves.In Jesus name, Amen.

The In Laws: The Brotha from anotha Motha

I actually have no problems with my B-I-L. He was always cool. We both seemed to have a mellow nonchalant way of being. I know he's stayed away from me during and after the divorce and I think it was more so a situation of him not wanting to involve himself, at least I'd like to think that, and of which I do appreciate. I harbor no anger towards him at all and do miss him and his wife tremendously. I actually looked up to him with much respect and awe. It was cool to go to the same school as he did and sort of tag a long in his footsteps so to speak, yet chasing my own dreams in the process. I hope he and his wife and family are doing good and I wish them nothing but success in their marriage. I would hate to see them go through a divorce as I and his sister did.
I'll include his wife as well, especially since she is part of him. I never really got to know her as well, yet she is cool. I'd have to say a match made when it comes to the both of them.

If I have another dream about them staring at me as they have in the previous dreams, I'll have no choice but to email him, which I don't really want to do because of the awkwardness of the situation. Could you imagine that? "Hey I know we haven't spoken in the past 3 years but I just want to say I'm ok and I hope you all are. I love yall and miss yall. Oh and by the way, the only reason why I'm emailing you is because I keep dreaming about you and your wife, so I just wanted to let you all know that I'm ok and I guess I'll pray for yall too...since I'm not entirely sure why I keep seeing you all. So, BYE!" Yea........not sure that I want to have to contact him about that, but I guess I'd have to if I see that dream again.

I guess the next In Law blog should be about my F-I-L. THAT'S gonna be a hard one! I harbor more anger towards him because I put my trust in him, and I feel that he dropped the ball. He never kept his promise. He failed my wife and I. They told us to trust in them, we did, they failed my wife and I, we got divorced, they are still married.
Why did I learn so much after the divorce? Why did I see more after the divorce? Why was I made stronger after the divorce?
There's so much to forgive and so much to apologize for.

Yall pray that the knowledge of Christ abounds within me. That it flourishes and quickens my spirit, allowing me to be a better man of God, or rather, Son of God.

The In-Laws- The Mother; 12-27-11

So one of the things I recognize about myself, is that I carry some hurt feelings about my In Laws, more specifically with my Mother and Father. It's easy to remember and focus on the negative than it is to remember and be joyous about the positive. I've got good reasons to be hurt, but at some point, well it just doesn't make sense to always squint my eyes and ball up my fists whenever I think about them. What they did isn't all that they are. They are in general decent people. So I'm intending to start up a small series of positive things about my In Laws. I'd be essentially replacing the hurtful negative with the maturing positive. This one is about my Mother.

There was certain things I could go to or get from each of my In Laws. I could talk ALL DAY with my Mother about recipes.We were always bouncing ideas off of each other. I remember shortly after getting married and in our own place, I wanted to make some salmon patties. I had an idea how to make them, but I couldn't remember how. I had always watched my own Moms, but I figured I could call my new Moms. And I did call her, and yep they turned out great.
I remember the time when I grilled some cornish hens over charcoal.  I had one of those tools where you can put a can of beer or soda inside and put the chicken on top of that, grill it, and you've got some good meat. So I'm using that with orange soda, some garlic and some basic seasonings. Grilled it up for maybe 45 minutes, let her try it, and I promise you........we fought. Me and my Moms. As I recall she literally snatched a drumstick right when I cut it up good, problem was it was still in my hand. It was good. I still think on that and smile. That was one of my favorite moments with her.
Then there was the other time when she made a "Better than Sex Cake" (otherwise known as a Mississippi Mud Pie, but I prefer the before mentioned name). GOOD!! That thang there! I don't remember all the details, but as I recall, I was gone at work or school when she made it and I had what was left, and my Brother had some, then some more. Out of all the cakes she's done, that's my favorite. Boy do I miss it! I mean I could very well do it myself, yes. And it would be good. But it wouldn't be the same. Sometimes food tastes better by the person who normally does it.
I remember this angel food cake thing she did. It had like three layers of the angel food cake, and that was separated with layers of a whip cream or cool whip I believe. And she had strawberries and blueberries on top, and maybe within the layers of cream. I remember the white chocolate covered strawberry on top with blueberries. When I ate it, she had just taken a call with her sister. I knew she was on the phone but I decided to tell her it was good. So I walked over and pointed at the cake and maybe gave a thumbs up or something. I wasn't satisfied so I got on the floor and played like I was dead with my tongue out as if to say "It was to die for".
She did make this turkey breast pasta dish that was good. Just regular egg noodles with chunks of turkey breast instead of chicken or beef. But the kicker was that she added I believe orange juice to it and gave it a slight orange flavor. THAT was good!
I wonder if she still has that one drawer FILLED to the brim with recipes? Haha.
I used to pick at her because she always seemed to make things more difficult than what it was. Like a 10 for 10.00 sale at the grocery store. No you don't have to buy all ten items to get that for 1.00. Then when she would finally understand, I'd go get a light bulb and put it over her head. Haha.  
I think me and my Moms share similar personality traits. I don't know what word to use really. Soft, humble, meek maybe. Merciful, grace. I don't know. None of those speak to me strongly, they only hint at what I mean.
I miss her and her cooking. Believe me, I know how to cook, and don't mind cooking, and in fact at times, I love cooking. Actually now that I think about it, there is no one and has never been anyone else that I could bounce ideas off of like that when it came to cooking.

I miss her, respect her and I love her.