Ok so the guy told me to come in on this past Thursday at 9:30. I got there at about 9:31 to 9:32 at the latest. The lights were off and the door locked. I waited at the door for about an hour. No one showed. I left and came back about 3 or 4 times, closed. So I figure, I'll try another location next week. So I go to this other office today at South Dekalb Mall and was able to get started. I've been taking the practice test online and have passed pretty regularly, but this test here......I failed it by 3 points. I needed to have had scored a 50 or above to pass, but I got a 47. :(
After my non taking test from Thursday, I told some of my coworkers, who basically said, "That's a sign". I can understand why they say it's a sign. And I am used to living life by "signs", but I have started asking myself at what point do you consider something a sign as opposed to just some random coincidence? Is everything a sign? When should one, whose living spiritually, consider something a sign. What do you look for? I guess my major problem is that my family in general, well we just don't really venture that far from what is ordinary to us. There's not a lot that we have done or experienced. We are "safe". So if anything to the smallest degree happened if we were to move outside of our safe box, we would immediately run to it's shelter and call it a sign (at least in my view, I could be wrong). So me taking this step, well it's a big step for me. And since the office was closed on Thursday, I was inclined to give up and not pursue my dream, looking for any excuse to tuck my tail in and whimper. However I still ask, how does one define what exactly a sign is? Aren't there times in life where we must forge ahead despite the negative? What is the old saying? "If you try and don't succeed, try, try, again?" Why is it at times we say that life is filled with ups and downs and that when we fall we have to get up, dust our pants off and keep going, yet other times we stop all things in the name of a sign?
Is a sign supposed to guide you? Or is it supposed to stop you? If it guides you, will it tell you in what direction in which to go, or will it leave you hanging?
I don't discount signs at all, it's just that at this point in my life, I'm not willing to look at everything "negative" as being signs to stop moving forward. I believe in signs truthfully. If I don't move forward, I remain as I am right now.
Nothing.
I'm so ready to leave. So ready for a difference. Ready to live life on my terms (as opposed to what others desire of me). It's just like the cars I've purchased in the past. The first car that I purchased was because of my age in relation to what insurance would have cost me. The second car I purchased was for my Ex. I have never purchased a car just because it was a car that I really wanted. Same thing goes for this decision. I made it because it is what I want. It feels liberating!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I've made changes! 03/11/2012
I'm having to work out now. I have to be able to complete I believe about 50 pushups in 2 minutes, 50 pullups in 2 minutes, and run a mile and a half in 12 minutes and 15 seconds. Course that's when I graduate. I've made a decision that no one expected me to do.
You ever wonder....... well course then again I can't vouch for everyone, I'll just say that in my experience, we depend on God but it seems as though most times it's for financial issues. Like we need to make just enough money to pay this bill, or we need just enough money for enough gas to make it one more day, or whatever along those lines. We call on Him and ask for help in other matters as well such as maybe a loved one is going through some mess and needs some strength, or maybe our teenager is going through that time of his/her life and they are always angry so as a parent we pray for them. But what else do we ask God for help for? If God is all powerful, which we know Him to be, why is it that we settle for.....life? Why can't life settle for us? Why should we live paycheck to paycheck? Is there a way to be too humble? Does that manner of being too humble allow others to walk all over you?
I made a decision. A decision that I wanted to make back when I was in my early 20's. At the time I got scared and didn't chase it. Then years later I met someone who would soon become my Ex and snatch my child to AZ. Now where am I at? I'm 30 years old and not satisfied with my life. I thank God for my job. I've been employed for 15 year this coming June. My current title is "Supervisor". My actual role is cashier. I make I believe 13.90 an hour, I've got full benefits, granted access to 401k, along with health, dental, and vision insurance, guaranteed 40 hours a week. And yet, I'm not satisfied with my life. I thank God for all of that. Let me just say, 13.90 is not enough to take care of your responsibilities. It's one thing if you're single and have no kids or a significant other to worry about. You're doing ok. But with responsibilities, it's a whole 'nother ballgame. So I'm making drastic changes.
My eyes long to see the sights as I sit in the middle of a Japanese intersection during morning rush hour. They wish to see the landscapes of Hawaii, and the countryside of Australia. I wish to see a gorgeous Italian woman, and turn a few female heads in the U.K. all because they think my American accent is so beautiful, and while I'm there, have at a plate of authentic fish and chips.
When I was no more than a year and a half, I told my mother (after I had escaped from the apartment and was standing on the sidewalk of a busy street- a story you HAVE to hear from my mother and grandmother!) "You see those cars and trucks? They're going places, and one day I'm gonna go places too." That desire still reigns within me. I want to see this world. I want to see what God made.
You all pray my strength in the Lord.
You ever wonder....... well course then again I can't vouch for everyone, I'll just say that in my experience, we depend on God but it seems as though most times it's for financial issues. Like we need to make just enough money to pay this bill, or we need just enough money for enough gas to make it one more day, or whatever along those lines. We call on Him and ask for help in other matters as well such as maybe a loved one is going through some mess and needs some strength, or maybe our teenager is going through that time of his/her life and they are always angry so as a parent we pray for them. But what else do we ask God for help for? If God is all powerful, which we know Him to be, why is it that we settle for.....life? Why can't life settle for us? Why should we live paycheck to paycheck? Is there a way to be too humble? Does that manner of being too humble allow others to walk all over you?
I made a decision. A decision that I wanted to make back when I was in my early 20's. At the time I got scared and didn't chase it. Then years later I met someone who would soon become my Ex and snatch my child to AZ. Now where am I at? I'm 30 years old and not satisfied with my life. I thank God for my job. I've been employed for 15 year this coming June. My current title is "Supervisor". My actual role is cashier. I make I believe 13.90 an hour, I've got full benefits, granted access to 401k, along with health, dental, and vision insurance, guaranteed 40 hours a week. And yet, I'm not satisfied with my life. I thank God for all of that. Let me just say, 13.90 is not enough to take care of your responsibilities. It's one thing if you're single and have no kids or a significant other to worry about. You're doing ok. But with responsibilities, it's a whole 'nother ballgame. So I'm making drastic changes.
My eyes long to see the sights as I sit in the middle of a Japanese intersection during morning rush hour. They wish to see the landscapes of Hawaii, and the countryside of Australia. I wish to see a gorgeous Italian woman, and turn a few female heads in the U.K. all because they think my American accent is so beautiful, and while I'm there, have at a plate of authentic fish and chips.
When I was no more than a year and a half, I told my mother (after I had escaped from the apartment and was standing on the sidewalk of a busy street- a story you HAVE to hear from my mother and grandmother!) "You see those cars and trucks? They're going places, and one day I'm gonna go places too." That desire still reigns within me. I want to see this world. I want to see what God made.
You all pray my strength in the Lord.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Where are the real Christians? 02/19/2012
Why does it seem as though the ones who screw you over call themselves "saved" and Christian? Why is it that they are the ones who continue to make promises of change, yet revert back to whatever actions they had from before? Why is it that they are the ones looking down on us/you with their heads in the air all prideful, as if they know everything, and what they do is not wrong or of any offense?
Why do I keep forgiving her? Why do I continue to allow her to screw me? And if I have really forgiven her, why do I feel so much anger towards her now?
I long to be near the water, in a foreign country, allowed to be left alone. I'd be surrounded by the chatterings of the birds and the murmur of the waters near me. I'd fish and hunt for food. I'd build my house with my own two hands. I'd be known in the community as an honest and good man, yet no one would dare to bother me out of respect and of the unknown. I wouldn't have a cell phone or any direct line with the outside world. I wouldn't have to deal with my Baby Momma (Ex Wife) and her actions and I'd have to spend the rest of my days dealing with the fact that I more than likely she will never let me be involved in my sons life, whether by phone or letter, or picture, or in a hug.
I'd start over
.
Just me and God.
Why do I keep forgiving her? Why do I continue to allow her to screw me? And if I have really forgiven her, why do I feel so much anger towards her now?
I long to be near the water, in a foreign country, allowed to be left alone. I'd be surrounded by the chatterings of the birds and the murmur of the waters near me. I'd fish and hunt for food. I'd build my house with my own two hands. I'd be known in the community as an honest and good man, yet no one would dare to bother me out of respect and of the unknown. I wouldn't have a cell phone or any direct line with the outside world. I wouldn't have to deal with my Baby Momma (Ex Wife) and her actions and I'd have to spend the rest of my days dealing with the fact that I more than likely she will never let me be involved in my sons life, whether by phone or letter, or picture, or in a hug.
I'd start over
.
Just me and God.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Save me I didn't follow you!
Alright so we have in the bible examples of what happens when we follow God. If we lean on Him, He takes care of us. If we leave Him, we have to fend for ourselves, not that He isn't right there, but that we have left Him. In my experience, He has ALWAYS been there even when I never recognized it. I have to say though that in my view, the same applies to marriage. Here's why.
We all know that God constructed the idea of marriage. Therefore marriage is "good and very good". Marriage was created in His sight, and since He created it, we know it to be good because all things that He creates are good. We learn from the bible through it's many verses how to be a better husband or wife, which I tell you with all seriousness, to be better husband or wife usually means you have to be a better Christian first. It is through these many verses that we can recognize that marriage is important, more important than what the standard of marriage is today. I think it is safe to say that God wants us to remain married, and has given us scripture to follow, a sort of guideline, to help us remain married, knowing that our faults as man can overpower us and therefore destroy the marriage.
So why get married? In my toddler years, some of the teachings we received was that it is better to marry than to burn, I believe that scripture to be in 1 Corinthians 7th chapter. So what we were being taught was that when you become of age to be sexually active, before you start humping every woman (or man) you see, go ahead and get married. If you don't, you won't make it to heaven because you had sex before marriage. I think there is truth to that but here's what we also found. In those early years the members were getting married based on that scripture. Years later, as my understanding serves, "a lot" of those marriages fell. I wish I could define "a lot" for you but I just don't know the specific number. So why'd they fall? They married for the wrong reason. They married to have sex so that they wouldn't burn, but they weren't looking far enough past the honeymoon to say "Now what do we do"?
Which is why I said that it seems to me that it is better to become a Christian first before you become a husband or wife. Your role as husband or wife is easier when you have a committed role as a Christian. Your role as Husband or Wife is enhanced by your following as a Christian. You recognize your place, you understand your duties and more importantly, you know who you follow. And when both husband and wife follow towards the same goal, that being God and His standard/direction, your marriage is made better because you aren't following your own personal rules and regulations per se, but you follow Christ and His teachings.
Now with that said, what happens when we don't follow Christ when it comes to marriage? Well look at society. Look at our standards. Man has lowered it's standards. We accept a mother with 3 kids by 2 or 3 different daddies. We tell her it's ok, then call her, in the black community, a "strong black woman" because she's doing it all on her own. Our men become boys when they find out that their mate is pregnant, not wanting to be in his Baby Momma and child's lives. People get married, in front of God, family, and the pastor, and get divorced within a few years. If that now divorced husband and wife had kids, they go from Father and Mother in marriage to Baby Momma and Baby Daddy through the divorce. What makes them different than the other Baby Momma /Daddy who never got married? Further more, if that same now divorced Husband/Wife get married again to someone else, AND have more kids, they aren't any better than the other Baby Mommas with 2 kids by 2 different fathers, and the Baby Daddies that are spewing their seeds at every hole they can find. The term "Ex Husband" or "Ex Wife" doesn't make the situation any better. You still had sex with multiple partners either way. In marriage we wear protection to prevent more kids, out of marriage we wear our magnums to prevent kids AND disease. In marriage we know who we are coming home to, he/she is there. They are ours, and we are theirs. Out of marriage, we spend our time "looking for love". So we have to go through the process of meeting new people, enduring new personalities, filtering through the people who really won't make your life enjoyable, then we have to "get to know" someone new. You're starting over all because you ended your marriage. In some cases we remain alone not wanting to contend with the level of man or woman out there.
I don't say that marriage is easy, let me be real with you. Marriage is real. It is tough.Your wife or husband will make you scream and it won't necessarily be during the moment of ecstasy. But I tell you with conviction, if you follow God and cling to him, your marriage will survive, and you won't have to endure some of those things I mentioned when you don't follow God.
If marriage is designed by God, our being married and remaining married is glorifying God. We may not really say "Yea I'm getting married to glorify God", but our actions say just that when we show others that our God is THE God to follow when we remain married.
Let the knowledge of Christ and His teachings flourish within me like a never ending fountain of pure water. Let His Spirit dwell within me, quickening my spirit and strengthening me against the enemy's devices. Let His light shine within me for His benefit as He sees fit.Let all those who pass by this page, who may read, who may understand be blessed and strengthened and let their understanding grow about Christ, and themselves.In Jesus name, Amen.
We all know that God constructed the idea of marriage. Therefore marriage is "good and very good". Marriage was created in His sight, and since He created it, we know it to be good because all things that He creates are good. We learn from the bible through it's many verses how to be a better husband or wife, which I tell you with all seriousness, to be better husband or wife usually means you have to be a better Christian first. It is through these many verses that we can recognize that marriage is important, more important than what the standard of marriage is today. I think it is safe to say that God wants us to remain married, and has given us scripture to follow, a sort of guideline, to help us remain married, knowing that our faults as man can overpower us and therefore destroy the marriage.
So why get married? In my toddler years, some of the teachings we received was that it is better to marry than to burn, I believe that scripture to be in 1 Corinthians 7th chapter. So what we were being taught was that when you become of age to be sexually active, before you start humping every woman (or man) you see, go ahead and get married. If you don't, you won't make it to heaven because you had sex before marriage. I think there is truth to that but here's what we also found. In those early years the members were getting married based on that scripture. Years later, as my understanding serves, "a lot" of those marriages fell. I wish I could define "a lot" for you but I just don't know the specific number. So why'd they fall? They married for the wrong reason. They married to have sex so that they wouldn't burn, but they weren't looking far enough past the honeymoon to say "Now what do we do"?
Which is why I said that it seems to me that it is better to become a Christian first before you become a husband or wife. Your role as husband or wife is easier when you have a committed role as a Christian. Your role as Husband or Wife is enhanced by your following as a Christian. You recognize your place, you understand your duties and more importantly, you know who you follow. And when both husband and wife follow towards the same goal, that being God and His standard/direction, your marriage is made better because you aren't following your own personal rules and regulations per se, but you follow Christ and His teachings.
Now with that said, what happens when we don't follow Christ when it comes to marriage? Well look at society. Look at our standards. Man has lowered it's standards. We accept a mother with 3 kids by 2 or 3 different daddies. We tell her it's ok, then call her, in the black community, a "strong black woman" because she's doing it all on her own. Our men become boys when they find out that their mate is pregnant, not wanting to be in his Baby Momma and child's lives. People get married, in front of God, family, and the pastor, and get divorced within a few years. If that now divorced husband and wife had kids, they go from Father and Mother in marriage to Baby Momma and Baby Daddy through the divorce. What makes them different than the other Baby Momma /Daddy who never got married? Further more, if that same now divorced Husband/Wife get married again to someone else, AND have more kids, they aren't any better than the other Baby Mommas with 2 kids by 2 different fathers, and the Baby Daddies that are spewing their seeds at every hole they can find. The term "Ex Husband" or "Ex Wife" doesn't make the situation any better. You still had sex with multiple partners either way. In marriage we wear protection to prevent more kids, out of marriage we wear our magnums to prevent kids AND disease. In marriage we know who we are coming home to, he/she is there. They are ours, and we are theirs. Out of marriage, we spend our time "looking for love". So we have to go through the process of meeting new people, enduring new personalities, filtering through the people who really won't make your life enjoyable, then we have to "get to know" someone new. You're starting over all because you ended your marriage. In some cases we remain alone not wanting to contend with the level of man or woman out there.
I don't say that marriage is easy, let me be real with you. Marriage is real. It is tough.Your wife or husband will make you scream and it won't necessarily be during the moment of ecstasy. But I tell you with conviction, if you follow God and cling to him, your marriage will survive, and you won't have to endure some of those things I mentioned when you don't follow God.
If marriage is designed by God, our being married and remaining married is glorifying God. We may not really say "Yea I'm getting married to glorify God", but our actions say just that when we show others that our God is THE God to follow when we remain married.
Let the knowledge of Christ and His teachings flourish within me like a never ending fountain of pure water. Let His Spirit dwell within me, quickening my spirit and strengthening me against the enemy's devices. Let His light shine within me for His benefit as He sees fit.Let all those who pass by this page, who may read, who may understand be blessed and strengthened and let their understanding grow about Christ, and themselves.In Jesus name, Amen.
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