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My being suffers, or rather is troubled. So I write, to elude and vanquish those things that are not spiritual. I write because there is no real understanding by those who call themselves Christians. I write to learn....... of myself. Follow me if you like, if you dare. I know no one so I have no need to lie, only truth and honesty will prevail here, whether about me or others in my life or in my past. Most of all, I hope that true understanding is ignited. I'd like people to leave with questions, and in turn question their pastors and spiritual shepherds. Not to cause confusion, but to understand more, about God and themselves.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Waking up in the morning thinking 11-4-11

Could we just be real with one another? I mean, can't we just talk? I'll lay it out on the line for you.

I'm a sinner.

Hehe I said it. I mean, I am a sinner. Even though I look up to and admire Paul of the bible, even though I've read the whole of the New Testament several times straight through, even though I may have a better understanding of what God wants with us as Christians......I keep on sinning. Therefore, I am a sinner. I am imperfect.
So I wondered this morning, "Why does He allow me to wake up every morning, knowing that I'm going to sin some more? Why won't He allow me to pass in my sleep? Why can't I just be rid of everything?" Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining at all. I thank Him for giving me the breath of life. I thank Him for waking me up and allowing me life, health, and strength. I thank Him for my problems, for my highs and my lows. I thank Him for forgiving me even when others won't forgive me. I thank Him for His mercy and for His grace. I thank Him that He seems (at least in my mind anyway) to have confidence in me to be a better Christian today than what I was yesterday. I thank Him for His patience, cause if it was me.....oh yea, I woulda killed myself off a long time ago. "Okay you're not doing what I told you, so you will have to suffer right now. Off with your head!" Thank God I'm not God!
When I asked myself the question, an answer popped into my head,................ and now for some reason I can't remember it even though it was so clear then. Something along the lines of me being needed or giving me a chance to do better.......actually I think it was something else. Put it like this. Purpose. And I don't mean like any of those monster mega churches that take all of your money and the preacher says with such enunciation and gusto "Gawwwwwd! Ahea! Has a PURPOSE for yeou!" No I mean like, God loves me, therefore He's patient with me. This is God. He knows that when He wakes me up that I'm going to sin. Just like He wakes up so many others that later on that day rape and murder some lady, or shoot some guy in the chest just cause he wears a certain color. So since He loves me and gives me enough grace to wake me up, maybe He's waking me up so that I can serve Him, which is to say dedicate my life to Him.
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