So check this out. The thought came to me. If you want to encourage a failed marriage, do this. Separate the Husband and the Wife. Plain and simple. It will work A LOT better and faster if you can get the wife alone and work on her emotions, but otherwise, get them separated. "Well why is that Deon?" I'm glad you asked! Gather 'round gather 'round my cheerin, 'n let ya Gran Pappy tell ya a lil storeh.
There's a process to most relationships. There's a start, a middle, and an ending. In most cases, the start is the most fun. It's always fun finding someone and getting to know them. I mean you go out on dates and learn one another. You talk until 4am and in some cases quite literally through the whole night. You always have a lot of fun, you compromise the best during this time (strange since it seems so hard to compromise during marriage). You love this person, I mean yea you thought that he/she was attractive in some way, but now that you know more about them, they now stand out better than all the other guys/gals. So yea you're constantly thinking about them. Doing anything and everything just to be with them. I did it too. I wasn't immune. I still can't figure out how in the world I would drive 35-45 minutes away just to see her for a few hours. Then there's the one time I drove to D'ville, knowing that she was having a bad day at work, just to put a love letter in her windshield wiper and then leave so that it was waiting on her when she got out. And yes, that one made her day. The point is, that you're spending all this time with one another. You're taking the time to get to know one another. You're asking questions, what do you like/dislike, do you sing in the shower better or in your car and what do you use to sing with? A brush or cup or cell phone? You're bonding. You tell each other things you never told your own mother or family. This other person knows in some ways, more than anyone else. You're doing everything together. Spiritually speaking, you're one, not in a marriage kind of way but in a relationship kind of way. You establish trust in this person.
You give them you.
This is when you are pretty much inseparable. I mean if another person says anything about your woman/man, the beast from within you comes out, equipped with horns, a spiked tail, muscles galore, and a menacing voice. "What did you say about my woman/man?!" Truth be told, in some cases, if anyone said anything negative about them, you'd draw closer to them.
Marriage is the same. Least it should be anyway. In marriage you're supposed to do everything together. Talk with one another. Express yourself. Go to church together. Compromise. Communicate. Pray together. Spend time with one another. Fast together. Do anything and everything, but whatever you do, don't separate yourself from one another (with the exception of the few times when you need your space from one another)! You see marriage is set up by God. Therefore marriage is good and very good. And just like in the church, the man is the head. There's a reason for that. Men have a certain strength that a woman won't ever have. And likewise, there's a reason and dire need for the woman. She has a strength that men will never have. We have our roles, set by God.
So why do I say if you want the marriage to fail, pull away the wife? When a woman gets married, she becomes one with her husband. Whether or not anyone knows it or realizes it, her husband is her strength. She is strong through her husband, that is as long as she follows Christ (only real way) or has a really good understanding of relationships (second rate choice by large gap). If you separate her, you can work on her. Confuse her. Make her feel guilty, that she is at fault, that she can do better by herself.
On the other hand, a wife is the glue. I mean a good wife, who put's God first, her husband second, her kids third, and everyone else gets whatever, is the glue for her relationship with her husband. She possesses strength that men generally don't have, or not a lot of. Compassion. Faith (in God and your relationship). Ability to show love. Ability to express themselves. As a husband, we need you our wives. So if we don't have access to you because we work longer hours, or we take case of the kids so much that we stop taking care of us (husband and wife relationship), whatever the case may be, divorce is in the future. If we stop praying or have never prayed together, we don't fast together or read our bibles together, divorce is in the future. If we don't go out, if even to the park and walk and talk. Divorce will be an option.
One afternoon after our being separated, my Wife and I had just completed a day of shopping. Before we parted ways, sitting in the parking lot of the library, I told her. "You got to be strong. I am your husband. I am your strength. Now that I am gone, they will work on you. You have to be strong." Sure enough her parents worked on her hard, I think mostly her Mom. Yea she told me some of the things they'd say. Talking about me and my family. I'm pretty sure she heard it nonstop sometimes. I remember once she spoke to on the phone telling me why we couldn't be together and it was like I wasn't talking to her but her Mom. To this day It really seems as if she was reading something on a piece of paper. We officially divorced in 2010.
Do everything together. Never separate yourself from your wife or husband. Make decisions together. Love together. Pray fast read together. Grow and learn together. Compromise, communicate and express yourselves together. Otherwise divorce will be in the future.
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