Whats the best way to have a failed marriage? 11-4-11

So check this out. The thought came to me.  If you want to encourage a failed marriage, do this. Separate the Husband and the Wife. Plain and simple. It will work A LOT better and faster if you can get the wife alone and work on her emotions, but otherwise, get them separated. "Well why is that Deon?" I'm glad you asked! Gather 'round gather 'round my cheerin, 'n let ya Gran Pappy tell ya a  lil storeh.

There's a process to most relationships. There's a start, a middle, and an ending. In most cases, the start is the most fun. It's always fun finding someone and getting to know them. I mean you go out on dates and learn one another. You talk until 4am and in some cases quite literally through the whole night. You always have a lot of fun, you compromise the best during this time (strange since it seems so hard to compromise during marriage). You love this person, I mean yea you thought that he/she was attractive in some way, but now that you know more about them, they now stand out better than all the other guys/gals. So yea you're constantly thinking about them. Doing anything and everything just to be with them. I did it too. I wasn't immune. I still can't figure out how in the world I would drive 35-45 minutes away just to see her for a few hours. Then there's the one time I drove to D'ville, knowing that she was having a bad day at work, just to put a love letter in her windshield wiper and then leave so that it was waiting on her when she got out. And yes, that one made her day. The point is, that you're spending all this time with one another. You're taking the time to get to know one another. You're asking questions, what do you like/dislike, do you sing in the shower better or in your car and what do you use to sing with? A brush or cup or cell phone? You're bonding. You tell each other things you never told your own mother or family. This other person knows in some ways, more than anyone else. You're doing everything together. Spiritually speaking, you're one, not in a marriage kind of way but in a relationship kind of way. You establish trust in this person.

You give them you.

This is when you are pretty much inseparable. I mean if another person says anything about your woman/man, the beast from within you comes out, equipped with horns, a spiked tail, muscles galore, and a menacing voice. "What did you say about my woman/man?!" Truth be told, in some cases, if anyone said anything negative about them, you'd draw closer to them.

Marriage is the same. Least it should be anyway. In marriage you're supposed to do everything together. Talk with one another. Express yourself. Go to church together. Compromise. Communicate. Pray together. Spend time with one another. Fast together. Do anything and everything, but whatever you do, don't separate yourself from one another (with the exception of the few times when you need your space from one another)! You see marriage is set up by God. Therefore marriage is good and very good. And just like in the church, the man is the head. There's a reason for that. Men have a certain strength that a woman won't ever have. And likewise, there's a reason and dire need for the woman. She has a strength that men will never have. We have our roles, set by God.
So why do I say if you want the marriage to fail, pull away the wife? When a woman gets married, she becomes one with her husband. Whether or not anyone knows it or realizes it, her husband is her strength. She is strong through her husband, that is as long as she follows Christ (only real way) or has a really good understanding of relationships (second rate choice by large gap). If you separate her, you can work on her. Confuse her. Make her feel guilty, that she is at fault, that she can do better by herself.
On the other hand, a wife is the glue. I mean a good wife, who put's God first, her husband second, her kids third, and everyone else gets whatever, is the glue for her relationship with her husband. She possesses strength that men generally don't have, or not a lot of. Compassion. Faith (in God and your relationship). Ability to show love. Ability to express themselves. As a husband, we need you our wives. So if we don't have access to you because we work longer hours, or we take case of the kids so much that we stop taking care of us (husband and wife relationship), whatever the case may be, divorce is in the future. If we stop praying or have never prayed together, we don't fast together or read our bibles together, divorce is in the future. If we don't go out, if even to the park and walk and talk. Divorce will be an option.

One afternoon after our being separated, my Wife and I had just completed a day of shopping. Before we parted ways, sitting in the parking lot of the library, I told her. "You got to be strong. I am your husband. I am your strength. Now that I am gone, they will work on you. You have to be strong." Sure enough her parents worked on her hard, I think mostly her Mom. Yea she told me some of the things they'd say. Talking about me and my family. I'm pretty sure she heard it nonstop sometimes. I remember once she spoke to on the phone telling me why we couldn't be together and it was like I wasn't talking to her but her Mom. To this day It really seems as if she was reading something on a piece of paper. We officially divorced in 2010.
Do everything together. Never separate yourself from your wife or husband. Make decisions together. Love together. Pray fast read together. Grow and learn together. Compromise, communicate and express yourselves together. Otherwise divorce will be in the future.

Waking up in the morning thinking 11-4-11

Could we just be real with one another? I mean, can't we just talk? I'll lay it out on the line for you.

I'm a sinner.

Hehe I said it. I mean, I am a sinner. Even though I look up to and admire Paul of the bible, even though I've read the whole of the New Testament several times straight through, even though I may have a better understanding of what God wants with us as Christians......I keep on sinning. Therefore, I am a sinner. I am imperfect.
So I wondered this morning, "Why does He allow me to wake up every morning, knowing that I'm going to sin some more? Why won't He allow me to pass in my sleep? Why can't I just be rid of everything?" Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining at all. I thank Him for giving me the breath of life. I thank Him for waking me up and allowing me life, health, and strength. I thank Him for my problems, for my highs and my lows. I thank Him for forgiving me even when others won't forgive me. I thank Him for His mercy and for His grace. I thank Him that He seems (at least in my mind anyway) to have confidence in me to be a better Christian today than what I was yesterday. I thank Him for His patience, cause if it was me.....oh yea, I woulda killed myself off a long time ago. "Okay you're not doing what I told you, so you will have to suffer right now. Off with your head!" Thank God I'm not God!
When I asked myself the question, an answer popped into my head,................ and now for some reason I can't remember it even though it was so clear then. Something along the lines of me being needed or giving me a chance to do better.......actually I think it was something else. Put it like this. Purpose. And I don't mean like any of those monster mega churches that take all of your money and the preacher says with such enunciation and gusto "Gawwwwwd! Ahea! Has a PURPOSE for yeou!" No I mean like, God loves me, therefore He's patient with me. This is God. He knows that when He wakes me up that I'm going to sin. Just like He wakes up so many others that later on that day rape and murder some lady, or shoot some guy in the chest just cause he wears a certain color. So since He loves me and gives me enough grace to wake me up, maybe He's waking me up so that I can serve Him, which is to say dedicate my life to Him.

This Naturally Sucks -10.22.11 4:18pm

The hardest thing about living this married/single life is that..............it sucks. Hehehe. I'm just a guy that has always known that I'd be married. Id be married with a good wife that I'd love forever, I'd have the kids, the decent job, just....well that's how I've always pictured it anyway. I had that at least somewhat anyway. Then I go through a divorce, with no idea as to why we were going with a divorce, and I lose my wife and son. Fine. I recognize that "Hey, I'm still married", and decide to allow female friends with the understanding..........at least within my own mind, that it can't get serious. My problem is that, I've loved some of these women, I mean genuinely loved some of these women, but in the back of my head I know the truth, God still sees me as married. Some have been involved with dudes that were not the best for them, some have been with guys that didn't really understand how to interact with their woman, just in general their relationships never worked out. They encounter me and it's like their world goes from drab grays to sunshine and butterflies and gumdrops.

If I'm so great a guy why did my wife leave me? Could my wife not see what they see?

So some of these women basically fall in love with me, and I'd like to give it back, but I can't because in the back of my mind, I know what God sees me as, still married to my wife. This is not cool. I'm stuck. Sometimes I wonder why was I not involved with a church that taught the wrong thing when it comes to a marriage. Why can't I justify me being with another by the scriptures? Why do I care so much? Why do I know so much scripturally speaking when concerning marriage? I struggle with my natural man wanting and desiring whoever else, but I can't move forward because of my wife.......actually no. Spiritually speaking I know that I'm married, and it's because of my conviction, the teachings of the bible, that I won't marry again. My dedication to God is what refrains me from marrying again and sharing my being with another. I won't be able to give my all to anyone, regardless of how much I want to.

I think it's best for me to live a solitary life. Let go of my female friends, have male friends, but otherwise live singly. I know without a doubt that I am a man that wants a woman in my life. I need a woman to grow old with, to live life and suffer as you do within marriage, and find yourself married for 50 years and know that through it all, you had a good marriage. That's just me. But I have to live for God, and that means that I have to give up my wants, which is to say my life or rather my desires, for my life in heaven.

This is the hardest thing I've done. The divorce I went through unwillingly. I was separated from my wife unwillingly. This I'd have to do willingly.

Speaking as a natural man, this sucks. Spiritually speaking, I can't wait till it's all over and done with.

5:26 am- 10.19.11

This life down here on earth is so prominent. It's in your face like a pink elephant. The desires of this life, both mine and others who encounter me, are so..................engaging.
Here I sit at my computer, preparing myself for a trip to Tybee Island today with a friend from LA. I'm on vacation this week and I'm wanting to get out of the house and away from my family. I want to do something fun. Something spontaneous. I spent yesterday at a baseball game the district put on with another friend.
My mind is a tangled maze of thoughts right now.
I'm thinking of my Wife and her parents. Why would they not allow me access to my son? I'm not getting pictures. I'm not allowed to talk to him even though I call 2 times a week regularly. I've asked for skype access and I'm told that their computer doesn't work. I can't even call her directly in reference to my son, I have to go through her parents. Why? I lived with them for a year or two. I saw many things. I heard how they talked about people, about their own family, their cousins and sisters and brothers. I saw how they treated those who they suddenly disliked, and the reasons they justified in doing so. Yet I never thought that would happen to me. The Father of my son. What benefit is this apparent willingness to prevent me access to my son?
And why do I continue to hope for that one day where there is some sort of positive change. That maybe one day I'll be allowed to speak to my son. That I'll get a picture. That one day I'll get a chance to hear him say "Daddy". Why do I have to be the "better Christian" and endure and suffer these ways? Why can't I take her to court or snap at her for not allowing me my legal right? It's not fair.
Strangely enough, if she were to call me and say that she needed help, I'd help her. If she called me broken down on the road, trying to get to GA and needed a ride, I'd be there. If she called me and asked for forgiveness, I'd tell her that she already has been forgiven. My Mother-in-law always said that I have the gift of mercy.  I think she's right. However, I don't think so much of that anymore. Is that God working through me, providing me with traits that make me better?
My mind is a jumbled mess right now. I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what to do or how to handle them.