So what did I fast for? My wife had divorced me, which was final April 1st, 2010. She did a real number on me. Things I never knew she was capable of were done to me. I surely did question her Christianity, as well as her parents. I got accused of things that I never did, my son was being withheld from me, to this day I still don't know/understand why she divorced me. I don't have a reason, at least one that's specific. So my fast, in general was for myself, which kind of included her. I needed to forgive her, especially since her antics continued. I needed to be at peace. I needed to be able to grow in Christ. I needed to get rid of some of my known sins, and learn about the sins I never knew existed within me.
So did it work? Oh yes, but not how I expected it. I was able to forgive her, but I also dreamed about her, at one point 3 nights straight. It was like I couldn't be rid of her even when I tried. I also did grow in God, I read the New Testament from Matthew to Revelations about 3 times straight through and continue to read my bible more than I did before the fast. I learned things I never knew existed. My faith in God grew substantially. The peace I needed grew substantially. I was able to deal with her antics better. I learned about some of my sins I never knew I was doing. I was able to pray for her and her family. I just became a better spiritual man. Later on in the year, God made me do something I refused to do after my Moms ask me (repeatedly mind you) after I had taken it off for about a good year, year and a half or so. I put my wedding ring back on. I won't lie either, I argued with God. I literally raised my voice and argued with Him.
-"You need to wear your ring".
-" No, NO! Why should I wear my ring?! SHE *pause* LEFT *pause* ME! It doesn't matter. She's not going to see it anyway! What benefit is it to her anyway?!"
-"It's not for her benefit, it's for yours".
You know that look when someone is so mad that they get quiet, roll their eyes and walk away? That was me. I didn't put it on. I got up the next morning, checked out of the hotel, got back in my car and He says, "You may as well go ahead and put your ring back on". I breathed hard through my nose, and did as He told me to. Now I can't take the ring off. I sleep with it. It stays on my finger 24/7 with the exception of bathing or washing my hair or using lotion or something. I can't take it off. In some ways, I'm not allowed to. Thank you Jesus.
In Pastor Franklin's book, he speaks on the benefits of fasting. Such as monetary, health, financial, spiritual, etc. Those are things I call side effects of doing what you are supposed to do. Your "reasonable service" if you will. But those are not reasons to do a fast, it's about your relationship with God, improving it, being a better Christian today than you were yesterday, and a better one tomorrow than you were today. A fast is well worth it.
So what about this year? She's still acting up. Won't let me come visit to see my son. Won't let me talk with him on the phone (although I don't have her cell number, I have to go through her Moms cell to try and talk with him, so the Moms may very well be preventing me from talking with him). She won't respond to my emails about him. I have no contact with him and have only chatted with him this year 4 times. Yet I still dream dreams about her. At one point waking up out of sleep in the Spirit praying for her and her family, then falling back asleep as soon as I had woke up. I see things in my dreams. So I'm constantly praying for her and her family. Praying for my son. I've learned to forgive her EVERY time I call for my son, knowing I won't talk with him. I have to. What did Peter ask, "How many times should we forgive someone? 7 times 7?" What was the reply? "70 times 7?" (paraphrasing). I'm able to rejoice in my suffering. Oh and yes, I'm on an indefinite fast, or until I have need to change.
God has been just SO GOOD to me during my separation/divorce and afterwards. I just can't tell all of how He's been so good, there's just too many for my little mind to repeat. But I thank Him and that He put His loving arms around me. That He nurtured me when others who said they loved me left me. I lost my whole family-my father, mother, brother, sister, wife and son in one quick swoop. And yet He was there when I needed Him, EVEN though I had left Him by lowering my standards spiritually. I only hope that I continue to do my best in this life so that I can make it in. That I continue to learn, that I continue to raise my standards spiritually. That I continue to understand that it matters not what happens down here on earth, what people do to you, it matter to God how you handle it. Praises be to His name.
Let the Spirit of Christ continue to dwell within us all. That He convicts us to be more forgiving, compassionate, trustworthy, and loving. I pray that He continues to have mercy on my wife and bless her as He sees fit. That He continues to watch over her family and that His will be done in all things, as He sees fit. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
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