I was laying awake in my bed a few minutes ago this morning thinking about the first 7 months of my marriage and how it differed from the rest of my marriage. It was better than the rest which caused me to ask myself, why? What was I doing then that I wasn't doing the rest of the marriage? I was praying. I wanted to make sure that we stayed married, that we were able to work through things. I wanted to grow old together and really know my wife, so I prayed many a night, at least from what I can remember. I remember thinking that if we weren't praying together, I should at least be praying. I never realized how right I was.
Before I met my wife, I was........not as spiritually understanding as I am now. Meaning that I really wasn't reading my bible as often as I should. I was working all the time so I very rarely went to church, and when I did have a Sunday off, though I can't remember having one off, I never went to church. But I had grown up with the teachings from when I did go to church. I was taught of God, Jesus, faith, prayer, etc.....I had a basic, if anything, understanding of what a Christian should be, how they should act, and what they should do. I had went through experiences that caused me to be a real believer in faith and prayer. Man I had some STRONG faith! It didn't matter what happened in life, if I prayed and gave it to God, that was it. I never worried no more about whatever was going on.
Then I met my wife, and her family. I was enthralled at how spiritually bonded my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law were. I mean they would get up on Sundays and read "The Daily Word" together and discuss it. I remember thinking that's how I wanted my marriage to be. In the process of being involved in my wife's family, I spent a lot of time away from my own. I forgot my spiritual upbringing and went slack. After marriage, we spent the majority of our time involved with her family, only going to church a total of 3 times. Twice at my own and once at some church her parents wanted to go to. I continued to go slack in my spiritual self.
I don't blame her and her family for my downfall. I blame myself. I had it right and I let it go. This has nothing to do with them, yet everything to do with me. This is a reflection of my actions.
The first 7 months of my marriage was the best, not so much because we were still living in the honeymoon phase, but because, I believe, of my prayers. She never knew it, but there were plenty of nights when I would come home from work and strip my clothes off, get in the bed and wrap my arms around her as any loving husband would do. As she slept, as I listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing, feeling the her stomach move up and down under my hands, I was praying for the both of us. Praying for our marriage.Praying for our relationship. And it worked! Prayer was the reason why for 6 months or so we never used protection and she never got pregnant. It was also because of prayer that our son was conceived in his mother's womb no more than a good week and a half later. Prayer was the reason why I met my wife to begin with , getting down on my knees in honesty, and seeing her the next day. Love at first sight I tell you. I KNEW she was mine. It took years, but it didn't matter, I was confident that she was mine. Thank you Jesus.
Our downfall I'll contribute to me not praying anymore. In the first few months, I used to wish that she would pray with me. But I was too.......scared, hesitant, unsure of what her response would be, so I never brought it up. That was the Enemy working in my mind. The strength that our marriage would have had if we prayed together! The bond! One spouse praying is good, but if both are in the same accord praying for the same thing in unity..........how do you defeat that?
I won't say that she wasn't praying. Maybe she was, I just never knew myself. For all I know, she could have been thinking the same thing, that she wanted to pray together, but was unsure of what my response would be.
I'm a praying man now. I have long conversations with God. Sometimes I'll get restless and drive to Florida, South Carolina, Alabama or what have you and pray the whole time. My faith isn't as strong as when she first knew me back in say 2002 or so, and I attribute that to all the things I had to endure during the divorce. So messy. So not necessary. Then again, it should be because of those reasons that my faith should be stronger. I continue to pray that God blesses her and her family as He sees fit. That He has mercy on them, and quickens their spirit. I thank God for my wife, my In laws, my brother and sister. I pray that He continues to bless me as He sees fit, has mercy on me, and quickens my spirit as well.
So what would I require if she were to come back? Now that is another post for another day, I need to get ready for work.
Let the Spirit of Christ dwell within all who read these postings as well as the writer. That our spirit be overcome with peace, love, and joy towards one another, even those who we feel may have done us wrong. Let the Spirit of forgiveness drown our spiritual being, that what was done in the past be forgotten and stays in the past, much like God has promised to us, forgiving our sins and throwing them into the lake to be remembered no more.
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